Real Love, Real Life, Real Funny

Maintaining Your Marriage

2009-05-28T04:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked around you and noticed the marital destruction? Couples who have been married for 15, 20, 30 years divorcing left and right. Dating couples changing partners every few weeks. Why is that? Lack of feeling? Lost that 'loving' feeling? We like to use that excuse. Alot. "I'm sorry honey, I just don't FEEL like I love you anymore." Sometimes I don't feel like eating pizza, doesn't mean I don't still love it. Feelings are a shallow and fickle indicator of the depth of a relationship and should never be used to determine it's outcome.

So how do you have a lasting relationship? Well, I'm no expert. But I'll tell you what I've learned. The number one foundation to any lasting relationship is commitment. A collective groan just went up. Anything but that word. Let's simplify. Commitment merely means this, I am here, in this relationship, no matter what. I won't hide when it's hard, quit when I fail, run when I'm hurt, or give up when I'm tired and no longer feel like I love you. I will forgive when I've been wronged. I will make the choice to love you, through the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing. And yes, you will encounter each and every one of those.

Okay - so we have the foundation laid, seems simple enough. It's hard. It's work. It's totally worth it. But how do you build on that foundation? Two key cornerstones to building your marriage go hand in hand. Trust and Honesty. You cannot trust someone who is not honest with you and you cannot be honest with someone you don't trust. Take a minute and think about that. We don't share ourselves, open up, talk about things with someone we don't trust, why? Because they could hurt us. And we certainly can't trust someone who doesn't tell us the truth. But with trust and honesty you begin to build a marriage relationship that is strong. That withstands the storms that life WILL bring. Make no mistake, there will be storms. But with a foundation built on commitment and a framework made up of trust and honesty, then you begin to build your relationship in strength. From honesty and trust you build solid communication, loyalty, respect and your love deepens and strengthens as you grow together. You no longer rely on your feelings to tell you how to act or be in this relationship because your feelings are dictated by your commitment to love and cherish this person that you are married to.

Relationships of any kind are hard. Without commitment, I believe, they're impossible. Without trust and honesty, I believe in a limited life expectancy. If you rely on how you feel, well....you'll probably find yourself feeling alone. Feelings will follow commitment. Dr. Ed Wheat says this,
"There can be no growth in your relationship as long as there is doubt as to your commitment to your marriage. Make your commitment!"

What was your name again?

2009-05-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

Off the subject I was going to talk about - but I had to share this...Ava and I were in the car and she's been learning about creation and is still trying to wrap her head around it...
Ava: "Mom, did God make ALL the trees?"
Me: "Yep, He sure did."
Ava: "Wow - did he make the worms too? And the cows?"
Me: "Yes honey - he made all the animals. Even the worms. He made the sky, sun, moon and stars. He made the ocean and all the sea animals."
Ava: "And ALL the trees. Wow - he sure musta been tired after all that!"

Our church has something called World Changers Bible Institute - where they train people to go out into the ministry. They did a video on Sunday - A group of students came in to the classroom right before they were to take a test. Kenny, the janitor was finishing up cleaning off the tables and emptying the trash then he left. All the students were talking about how much they'd studied, memorizing the entire book of Leviticus and so on. Then the teacher comes in and passes out the tests. As soon as the students looked at the test they started panicking. "I didn't study this! I memorized the entire book of Leviticus this doesn't say anything about Leviticus!" The teacher says calm down - I know you guys know the Bible. But you need to know the people. People matter.
The question on the test? What is the Janitor's name?

The point Pastor Jim was trying to make - Everybody MATTERS. People matter. How many times have we gotten fast food, gone to the post office, grocery store, or anywhere else and been helped by someone and barely even realized they were there? I am guilty for sure. We get so busy with our lives that we forget to notice, much less show appreciation for the little things that strangers do for us. Who cleans the toilets at your church? Do you remember what the person who bagged your groceries looked like? Did you thank them?

5 Things We Should Know About People:

1) Everyone wants to be appreciated
2) Everyone wants their lives to matter
3) Everyone wants to feel significant
4) Everybody needs somebody
5) Anybody who encourages somebody impacts lots of somebodies!

Everyone wants to be appreciated. Everyone wants to feel significant. Wow. As Christians are we touching people with kindness? Or simply ignoring them as we go about our lives? How hard is it for me to pay a little bit more attention? Encourage people a little more? It takes seconds. Seconds to make someone feel appreciated. Encouraged. Significant. And do you know what I've found? When I encourage other people - I am encouraged. My day is better. I am happier. And what you make happen for others, God will make happen for you because people matter to God.

So - be an encourager! And see how God blesses you for blessing others!
Hebrews 3:13 - "But encourage one another daily, while it is called today, lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."

The Phantom Blogger

2009-05-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

Yes...apparently there is a phantom blogger who randomly appears and writes on my blog only to disappear again for days and yes, even months at a time. Ok...so that's not exactly true. Fact is - most of the time I have these great thoughts that I want to blog but I'm in the middle of being psycho mom er...um...I mean psuper mom. ha. At any rate by the time I can actually sit down and put the thoughts into words - they're gone. Like the wind. It's also highly possible that the forgetfulness has everything to do with me being pregnant. Which reminds me yet again about what I DON'T like about being pregnant....everything. It's not so bad I guess. Now that I'm finishing up my fourth month and the constant nausea is starting to let up I can faintly see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been existing on dry cheerios and orange gatorade. yum. I am anxiously awaiting the day when food will have appeal again. I firmly believe that if men had to go thru this - all procreation would cease and the human race would die out. But as women we have this insane ability to promptly forget the numerous ills of pregnancy, the fatigue, the aches and pains, and don't even get me started on labor. We see that little face and we're ready to do it all again. Amazing or insane? A little of both I think.

This summer is gearing up to be a busy one - and I'm thoroughly looking forward to it. I have found since Mom's death that I look at things so much closer. Time is so precious because we don't know how long we've got. I want to appreciate the little things. And encourage you to do the same. Don't get so caught up in life that you forget to live it. It is so very easy to do and for all of my pregnancy complaints - I am enjoying this time in my life immensely! The only thing I would change would be to SLOW it down. Each day is such a blessing, even the hard ones. I love being a mother - each new phase of childhood that we grow through. Every time Ava comes out with something outrageous. Her latest, "Mom! That bee is minding MY business!" I love being a wife to my amazing husband.

The kids are in such a hurry to grow up - and I remember being there - now I just want to hold onto these times. My daughter is only going to be 3 once. My son, already turning into such a little man, will grow up all too quickly. Have I mentioned that pregnancy makes you introspective? haha.

Enjoy this time in your life - where you are, whatever you're doing. It goes by way to fast. That saying really is true - Dance like no one is watching. Laugh like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt. Let go of your past hurts, your regrets. The bad times pass although sometimes very slowly, the good times are gone before you know it. So hug more, love more and laugh more! Life is awesome!

New Year's Resolutions????

2009-01-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

I resolve to MAKE a new year's resolution...and that's as far as I've gotten. Literally. Sad, but true. I resolve to blog more often....but that too remains to be seen. I resolved to start doing something, rather than nothing with my hair, SO I chopped it off. There's so many things I want to change, like drinking more coffee, sleeping more, and perhaps eating less. When I sat down to make a list of things I wanted to change, truth be told, there wasn't much I wanted to change. Spend more time with my husband, enjoy my children more, but happiness is not missing from my life. Now I realize that making resolutions for the new year isn't necessarily about being unhappy but alot of times when we desire change it often stems from things in our lives that we aren't happy with. And when I tried to list the things in my life that I wanted to change, I instead ended up with a long list of blessings. So perhaps the greatest resolution I can make - is to be more thankful. Because despite grey days, sick days, and bad hair days - life is pretty amazing.

Laughter is the best medicine!

2008-08-11T19:05:00.001-07:00

This is just going to be a collection of random quotes from the kids that Adam and I have found funny! Hope it gives you all a good laugh!

Ava: "Addie! Stop singing that song! It makes me nervous. That waiting on a woman song. It makes me nervous!"

I was telling Ava that Mommy was getting a new car and I was excited. To which she responds,
"Well I'm not exciting!"
Adam: "But Ava, you'll have more room for your babies."
Ava: "I WILL??? Then I AM exciting!"

Ava: "I don't like that colored icecream Mommy - it makes me nervous!"

We were getting the kids dressed for bed the other night and Alex came in with just his pajama pants on and no shirt...
"Can I sleep like this Mommy? Like real mans do?" (priceless)

Ava was giving her doll a ride on her bike when she fell off...(the doll, not Ava)
"Oh Shirley Curly are you ok? I'm so sorry." "Come on Shirley Curly we'll ride some more."

Ava: "Hey Mommy I just killed a butterfly."

Ava: "MOMMY! Turn it back to the crocAdiles eating the zebras!!!" (my kids love Animal Planet)

Ava: "When I grow up I wanna be a dinosaur!"

Alex: "Can I have a banana Mommy? The little ones that are just my size."

Over dinner tonight there was a discussion about eating the skin of the baked potatoes we were having. Adam was telling Ava that potato skins were good for your eyes and Ava took him a little too literally...
Ava: "Daddy you can not put that on you. I'm serlous!"

Ava has just learned that she can put a name to her feelings...So we hear...."I'm mad at you because..." ALOT. She and Alex got into a discussion about her broken chair yesterday...
Ava: "Alex you broke my chair I am SO mad at you!"
Alex: "I did not break your chair."
Ava: "Yes you did."
Mommy: "Actually Ava you broke it."
Ava: "Oh. I did?" Alex and I both nod in agreement.
Ava: "Well, then, I'm just so mad at myself!"

Ava: "Hang on, I'll help you Avalanche Boy!"

I'm sure I'll have more to add but this is all for now! :)

Face time

2008-08-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

Adam and I recently had an epiphany. Perhaps other married couples are quicker to come to this conclusion. But for Adam & I it's taken 3 months. Now mind you, the last three months have been full of change. Newly married, graduating college, moving out of state, starting a new job...And in all the cacophony of life, we managed to lose the most important thing. US! Everyday I would wait impatiently for Adam to get home, and then we would both end up frustrated because once he arrived it was play with the kids, get dinner ready , clean up the house, bathe kids, get them in bed, clean up the kitchen, collapse exhausted on the couch, watch TV then drag off to bed to do it all over again the next day. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I was so frustrated with the way my days were going. And Adam was feeling it too. Then we finally realized what was missing. US. Our time together. Face time as we call it. We had resorted to watching TV together and calling it "our time" but we weren't really spending that time together. Sure we cuddled on the couch with each other, but that's not face time. And I was finding that more and more I was getting jealous of the kid's time with Adam, of the TV being on. I was jealous of the PlayStation!!! Because I felt like they were stealing MY time with Adam. As we talked about this I realized that he was just as frustrated as I was about the situation. So we came up with 'face time'. This is my time with Adam. This is Adam's time with me. No TV. No kids. Sometimes we take 15-30 minutes behind closed doors when he comes home from work. Sometimes that doesn't work. If that's the case, then after the kids go to bed, the TV goes off and we spend some time just talking. Catching up on each other's day. Bouncing ideas off each other and in general, just enjoying being in each other's company. My days are better now because I have my time with Adam. That time when I don't have to share him with anyone else. When I get to bask in his undivided attention. And I LOVE IT! It has brought us closer, it has eliminated that end of the day frustration and feeling of being let down. It has given me something that I look forward to all day because I can't wait for him to come home. Just knowing that he wants to have that time with me just as much as I want it with him makes me feel special and loved. And it's a wonderful feeling. Being a parent is a wonderful thing. It's also tiring and at times frustrating. I need my time with Adam to refocus, to hear his perspective on things, and to then be able to provide our children with a united front. We are a team, we are one. And when we're in sync with each other our days run smoother, our home is at peace, and I am at peace. Unity. It's a beautiful thing. If you don't have face time with your honey....get it. Make time for the two of you, you'll be glad you did. And I promise, you won't miss that TV/computer/book time you may have had before. Nothing is as great as being face to face with the one you love. Nothing!

Kisses & Kids

2008-08-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

N-O spells No!

2008-08-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

I have very recently discovered something amazing about myself! And you may want to sit down for this one if you're not already. I DO NOT LIKE TO BE TOLD NO! No really, stop laughing. I'm serious here. Let me just give you a few examples,..."No, I'm sorry Ma'am, we don't have that in your size." "No, I'm sorry, we're out of that...." "No, I didn't get your message." "No, I'm sorry but that won't be possible." "No Honey, we can't buy that now." "NO Mommy!" And the list goes on...and on...and...well you get the point.

You see no matter how you phrase it, or who delivers it, I DON'T LIKE IT! My reaction can range from annoyance & frustration to down right anger. Now perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that this discovery of...er, um...me isn't so startling and really not that new. You see I'm quite certain I've never liked to be told no. I didn't like it when my parents said no to me in my childhood, teens, or anytime for that matter. I didn't like it when my teachers said no, my friends, my husband and sometimes yes, even my children. It's harsh. But what really gets me is the fact that when I'm told no, it means I'm not getting my way. And you know what? I don't like it. I like to get my way. I want what I want, when I want it. On discovering this about myself, I was really pretty disappointed at how incredibly selfish I am. And I realize that it is human nature, but it's not something I want to see in me. And it's most definitely not something I want to cultivate, not in me, not in my children, not in my marriage.

There isn't going to be a time in life when being selfish will serve me well. Instead, if I let it, it will sour every relationship I have. From marriage, kids, friend & family...right down to the dog. Ok, so the dog is a slight exaggeration but you get the point.

1 Cor. 13 talks alot about love. It's patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, and here's the killer....does not seek it's own. Translation? Love isn't selfish. Ouch. So if I read that correctly, then I'm not really loving my husband when I put myself first. Wow. That's a little hard to swallow. When I'm really honest with myself, ahem, and now you, the bottom line is, it's easier to be selfish. I have to work ALOT harder to put myself last. To accept no gracefully, to acquiesce to other's wishes, wants, & desires over my own. And just so you know, I'm still struggling with this. It is a daily battle, sometimes it's an hourly battle, one I often lose. It's hard to put aside what I want. To accept no. And to do it with the right attitude. Sometimes as a mother I get really frustrated at the number of times I have to tell my kids no in a single day. No sugar, no jumping on the couch, no we can't play outside right now, no you can't hit your brother, no you can't have a snack before dinner...Why do I do it? Because I know what's best for my children. I know that what they want isn't always what's best for them. Interesting point. Perhaps it's safe to say that what I want, isn't always good for me. It's a humbling thought to realize that sometimes, my husband knows that something I want isn't good for me. Just as my parents knew. (all too often might I add). Selfishness is blinding. We are so focused on self, that we fail to see the danger in what we want. So I challenge you to open your eyes. Be honest and ask yourself, where is my focus?

Now for those of you who are honest enough to admit it, hang in there. Your relationships are worth the sacrifice to self. There is peace in giving true love, the kind of love that is patient, kind, not selfish. Love that endures, that is a reward in itself. So on the days when you're struggling with no, think on these things...
"No, ma'am, I'm not going to give you a ticket this time..."
"No, no one was hurt."
"No, Honey...don't cook...let's go out!" haha.
No, I'm not perfect, but I'm loved. And I want to love with the same passion, kindness, & selflessness in 1 Corinthians. I want to bear all things, believe all things and hope all things because love never fails even when I do.

Ever "had a day"?

2008-08-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah....you know the days I'm talking about, my usually well behaved children got into a screaming match with each other this morning, resulting in the need to discipline them both. Fun. :( I used to hate when Mom would discipline us and say "this hurts me as much as it hurts you." Yeah...right. I know what she was talking about now. It makes my heart hurt to see my children displaying such bad behavior, and then to have to correct them, hear them cry, it makes me cry! So after getting that sorted out we had the enviable task of locating and going to the local DMV. I don't know about anyone else but I would pretty much rather get my teeth drilled on by the dentist than have to deal with the DMV, at any rate, (side note, I'd already called to make sure that I had everything ready.) So we head inside, after getting lost and spending twice as long getting there as we should have, having to stop for gas, we finally arrive in time to see the lunch crowd almost out the door. I hustle the kids inside and we get in the line and wait...and wait...and wait some more. Finally it's our turn, we get up there only to be informed that even though the car is to be titled in mine OR Adam's name, I still can't get the license plate without him. So, we leave. I am thoroughly frustrated at this point. I then managed to get lost getting to Target, finally find what I need there, get out, the kids are hungry - we find a McDonald's and rummage for some change for the dollar menu to get a snack. It's 90 degrees and I wore jeans, don't ask, I have no idea why?! At this point I'm seriously feeling sorry for myself. Finally we leave and head to the one highlight of the day, the Farmer's Market. We make it without getting lost, we get what we need for way less than I thought, and I throw a watermelon in for good measure. I then came home and made a homemade apple pie. Yummy! And that more than makes up for the 'day' I had. The watermelon wasn't half bad either. Sticky summer fun, with watermelon dribbles, the smell of apple pie and even though it started out in a less than desireable way, the day took a turn for the better.

So to all of you out there who have had a 'day'...I hope it gets better. It could be worse...you could be stuck at the DMV! :)

A Life, A Legacy, A Mom

2008-08-02T17:33:00.000-07:00

This post is probably the most difficult for me to write but I feel it's necessary. A little over a year ago my Mom died of breast cancer after 5 long years of suffering. Now I don't want to immortalize her into a saint. She was no more perfect than the next person. But she was my Mother. Her laugh, her touch, she always knew what needed to be said even when I didn't want to hear it. She was my confidant, my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on, counselor, advisor, and best friend. No, it wasn't always that way. I remember plenty of times when she annoyed me, my skirt was too short, my make-up too heavy. I drove to fast, talked to loud. But she always loved me and no matter how angry I got with her, I always knew that. Even in her last days, as sick as she was, we all knew that Mom was hanging on to make sure that WE were going to be okay. She was a caretaker even on her deathbed. Telling her that it was okay to let go, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. With all that I am, I wanted to tell her to fight, to stay, not to leave me. I needed her then and even now, I still do. But it would have been incredibly selfish of me. And even on the days when the tears are just under the surface, or Ava says something funny that I know Mom would love, when I'm hurting, sad, or just want to hear her voice, I can be at peace knowing that she's dancing on the streets of gold, and she is free of pain.
She was a daughter, sister, wife, mother, Mimi and friend. She was loved by all, knew no strangers, opened her home, her life and her heart to everyone. She was my Mom. And I am extremely proud to be called, her daughter.

This is how my garden grows!

2008-08-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

How DOES your garden grow?

2008-08-02T07:48:00.001-07:00

I just went to the farmer's market here, which is quite amazing, might I add. Ava is a big fan too. She loves to "gently" pick up the fruit, and sometimes accidentally drop it...She also loves to smell the flowers,...all of them. EVERY SINGLE FLOWER. There are ALOT of flowers...
Generally speaking it's fun. I love the amazing array of fruits and vegetables. The gorgeous flowers, and I'm in awe that people can actually grow these things! Boggles the mind. At least mine. Green thumb I do not have.

One thing I have come to realize lately is something that all too often I think hits people after marriage. We all tend to be in the mindset that dating is HARD work. So we think when we get married we can relax, let our hair down, make interesting bodily noises in front of our spouses, and just TAKE IT EASY. I got a news flash for you...dating was the easy part. Marriage is hard work and lots of it. Now don't get me wrong...it is well worth it. Think of it as a garden. You start by preparing the soil, (first comes love) then planting,(then comes marriage...) then a continual daily watch, watering, weeding, protecting your growing plants so they can flourish. But even as they grow stronger and bigger they still require care in order to become the best they can be. Just as with marriage relationships, they have to be tended on a daily basis, watched over with care so that no harm comes to them. We vigilently watch over our marriage guarding it against attacks from the outside, making sure that it has what it needs to grow and survive. I find that when I am not tending my marriage...the level of chaos in my life increases to an unbearable amount. Everything seems to fall apart because the foundation of our home is our marriage. When it's neglected, the weeds get high and it's hard to see the plants through all the weeds growing around them. Communications lines go down, hurt feelings rise, and the weeds get thicker until suddenly you can't see the plants anymore. Just recently I had to do some serious weeding in my garden. I had become so busy with, life, that I didn't take time to tend my garden. Weeding is often painful, but always necessary. And the end result, is a garden that is beautiful, enjoyable and bearing the fruit of love.

Okay...I'm finished with my garden analogy, although I thought it was relatively clever. I have been rather uninspired to write the last few days due to laziness or general lack of interest...happens when the weeds get thick...sorry. I couldn't resist. On a different note....raising kids is like baking the perfect biscuit...the right amount of dough....haha. I'm totally kidding. Somebody stop me I'm on a roll. Or is that biscuit. Ok, really, I'm stopping now.

I would like to say a huge Thank You to my sister Annie - for the awesome logo she made for my blog! Check her out at www.sisterwisdom.com She's wisdom and hilarity all rolled into one.

Supermom...super power: Invisibility

2008-07-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

And when I say invisibility I don't mean the kind that makes stains disappear from clothes. Or the ability to magically make a sink full of dirty dishes vanish when the head of the PTA knocks on your door. I'm talking about that fine line between being a wife, a mother and not losing who you are as a person. It is far too easy to disappear in the daily routine. The endless parade of dirty mouths, hands, and bottoms that need to be wiped. Sippy cups that need to be filled, beds to be made, floors to clean, meals to cook, and before I know it the day is over and I haven't taken 5 minutes for myself. And I begin to feel invisible. That I'm not seen for me, but rather for what I do. It's not easy to find time for yourself. Believe me, I know. I took the kids to McDonald's the other day for lunch. We all ate, then they were off to play and I kicked back and read a book. A lady sitting next to me watched me for a while then she finally said, "wow...you must only have one child! I've never been that relaxed as a parent." And to look at her, I would agree. She looked frazzled, tired, and to me, unhappy.

So how do you balance the demands of motherhood, being a wife and being a person? Take 10! that's my motto. I had to learn how to think smaller. Before I had kids it was no big deal to take a few hours and enjoy some retail therapy. But I can't do that now. I used to try to wait until I had an hour or so before I took some time for myself, guess what? I ended up waiting...and waiting. Because finding a large block of time when you have kids can be difficult. I would end up frustrated and feeling, well...invisible. So I'm learning to take 10 minutes here and there for myself. It may be simply to be in a room alone. Paint my toenails. Check facebook or write on my blog. It is so easy to lose our identity when we become parents. I have become known as Alex and Ava's mom. I have a name?! Marriage and family means carving out a new place for ourselves, but it doesn't mean we have to lose our identity or worse yet become invisible. But sometimes we allow that to happen. We stop doing the things we used to do. We forget about the hobbies we had before we got married and had kids. Now I realize that there have to be changes, obviously. But I have recently rediscovered my love for reading. And I'm starting to get back into writing and taking pictures again. I had put all that aside with the excuse that I didn't have time anymore. Make time. It's important. Not only for you, but for your kids as well. If you are happy, and fulfilled it shows. You will be a better wife, a better mother and a happier person. My sister said one time, that it's not about how clean the house is, or whether dinner is on the table when her husband comes through the door, it's coming home to a happy wife. And you know what? She's absolutely right. So if taking time out of your day to read for a little bit means that there are dirty dishes in the sink when your honey gets home, but you're happy and relaxed. I guarantee he won't notice the dishes!!!

Funny stuff

2008-07-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

So last night we took Alex to the airport to catch a flight to Orlando and meet my Dad. Now in terms of excitement levels...Alex's was pretty high. Mine on the other hand had reached stress levels that were off the charts. Hyperventilating, chest pains the whole works. I'm about to put my baby on this massive hunk of metal with a bunch of people I don't know....hold on...can't breathe. ANYWAY...we're sitting at the overly crowded gate waiting for a plane that has yet to arrive, and as we later learn is running about 30 minutes behind schedule, surprise surprise. As we're sitting there I'm fielding a million questions from both Alex and Ava all the while fighting off my own panic attack.
"Mommy why do we haf'ta take our choos (shoes) off at degurity (security)?"
"Mommy is that MY plane? Oh no...it's takin' off."
"Mommy why is that lady wearin' that ugly shirt?"
Mommy, I'm weally thirsty and kinda hungry."
Mommy, look at those birds are they gonna fly away when MY plane gets here?"
"Mommy will I get to see the Pilot? Why is that boy crying?" And so on...
The people on either side of us were thankfully very kind and apparently not disturbed by the racket my 2 munchkins were producing. Then suddenly Ava bursts out with this little gem...
Ava: "Mommy when is the Pilot going to be here?"
Me: "I don't know honey...I"m sure he'll get here when the plane does." (I sure hope he does)
Ava" "Mommy...do Pilot's say...Aaaarrrrgggh???"
Me: "No baby...that's pirates...not pilots."
The lady sitting next to us had tears coming out her eyes she was laughing so hard. A few minutes later I overhear Ava talking to Alex...
"Alex...did you see that plane? It took off...it's flying. I just can't believe it!" (Yeah Avey...I know that feeling!) Despite my fears of letting my baby go off on his own, he made it safely to his destination and made several friends along the way. He had a blast. I am still trying to recover. It's a bittersweet moment to watch your child take a step closer to needing you less, but it's also a proud moment. He handled the unknown with bravery and huge smile. I handled it with panic attacks and a few tears. And Ava wailed as soon as Alex took his first step to getting on the plane. "I sure miss Brudder" Me too Ava, me too.

A picture is worth a thousand words...or is it?

2008-07-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

A picture is worth a thousand words, as a photographer I've always liked that saying, but is it true? I have been amazed at the versatility of the human language. We can love someone or hate someone with it. Build them up or tear them down, all with a word. We sing songs about love and then in a single breath we use those very same words as weapons of destruction hurling them carelessly, heedless of the damage we're doing. The other mystery to me is how no one is excluded. From the workplace to home. No one is exempt. I have witnessed, and been on the receiving end of praise for a job well done, and a verbal undressing by an unhappy customer. It hurts even from a complete stranger. But the worst pain, is inflicted by those we love. The simple act of communication between two people in love. How hard can it be? I have spent many a sleepless night pondering that very thing. How hard is it to truly express to my husband how I feel? Why can't I make him understand what I'm so desperately trying to say? And why, when I can't accomplish that do I turn to hurling my words at him in frustration?

As both of my kids were learning to talk I remember watching in amazement as they went from happy, smiling babies to wailing. All in a matter of seconds because of their inability to communicate with me. Their total frustration at not being able to express what they wanted. Oh but they're kids, they'll learn. And indeed they did...sometimes much to my chagrin. But even as adults we experience that same consuming frustration when we are unable to communicate something that is important to us. Especially when it's between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend. There have been moments in my marriage when I truly thought that Adam and I MUST be speaking two totally different languages. I say one thing, he hears another. He says one thing, I hear something completely different. And as I translate his words into MY understanding, I start to make assumptions based on my interpretation of his words. Which often, I'm learning, is not at all what he said! And when you start putting two and two together...and end up with seven...you got a problem. Or...perhaps math isn't your strong point. At any rate I'm sure you can sympathize. The problem, I'm learning isn't that Adam is from another planet. Nor is it that he is unable express himself. The problem is the assumptions that we both make about what the other one is saying. I'll give you an example...

Adam teases me about the kids being whiny. I immediately get defensive and think he's saying that I'm a bad parent.

Is it a little silly? Yeah, but come on...we all know we do it. He says..."Wow, Honey have you lost weight?" We think he's saying we're fat and need to lose weight. He comes home from work and says, "Man I'm hungry." And we immediately assume he's upset because we don't have dinner ready. Bottom line...we make assumptions of what he's actually saying by reading subtext between the lines. Problem with that is? He didn't write the subtext, WE DID! My husband's favorite saying...one I've quickly adopted is this...

"You know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of U and ME!" How very true.

Losing my 'Blogging Virginity"

2008-07-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

Wow, I'm looking at this incredibly blank page waiting for me to make my creative mark in blogging history. Yikes. A blogging virgin. And I'm sitting here wondering what in the world could I possibly have to write about that other people want to know? I don't have any particularly striking piece of wisdom, beauty or any other amazingly brilliant anecdote to grace you with. I often have days filled with macaroni and cheese, dirty laundry, a sink full of dishes and best of all sticky fingers that grab my face and say, "Mommy, I wuv you to the moon and stars and space and back!" I have a husband who is amazing in my eyes. Even though he leaves his dirty laundry on the bedroom floor, gets cranky when he doesn't know where he's going, and spends an inordinate amount of time completely engrossed in ESPN.
I am at a strange place in life, I have been through a gamut of emotional highs and lows in the last 3 years that have completely changed my outlook on life. I have experienced the hurt of divorce, the stress of single parenthood, the excitement and yes, let's face it, completely blinding fear of dating, the pain of losing my mother to cancer, watching my father remarry, and last but not least the joy of falling in love.

I am not at all convinced that I have anything worth posting that will help anyone. But my love for people drives me to seek friendship even in blogging. I would love to say that I feel I can contribute to the struggles of other people by posting helpful advice, unfortunately most of what I have learned has been through my mistakes, not my divinely given wisdom. So while advice probably isn't something you'll find here, I hope that you'll get a good laugh. If I make one person smile, then I have made a worthwhile contribution to society! And so saying, I will close for now. I have alot to learn about this blogging thing. I have alot more mistakes to make that I'll be sure to tell you all about in glowing detail! But right now, I have a sweet man who is patiently waiting for me to spend a little time with him. So I'm off for some cuddling and House Hunters on HG! Ah life, it's real, and usually....it's funny!