A picture is worth a thousand words...or is it?

A picture is worth a thousand words, as a photographer I've always liked that saying, but is it true? I have been amazed at the versatility of the human language. We can love someone or hate someone with it. Build them up or tear them down, all with a word. We sing songs about love and then in a single breath we use those very same words as weapons of destruction hurling them carelessly, heedless of the damage we're doing. The other mystery to me is how no one is excluded. From the workplace to home. No one is exempt. I have witnessed, and been on the receiving end of praise for a job well done, and a verbal undressing by an unhappy customer. It hurts even from a complete stranger. But the worst pain, is inflicted by those we love. The simple act of communication between two people in love. How hard can it be? I have spent many a sleepless night pondering that very thing. How hard is it to truly express to my husband how I feel? Why can't I make him understand what I'm so desperately trying to say? And why, when I can't accomplish that do I turn to hurling my words at him in frustration?

As both of my kids were learning to talk I remember watching in amazement as they went from happy, smiling babies to wailing. All in a matter of seconds because of their inability to communicate with me. Their total frustration at not being able to express what they wanted. Oh but they're kids, they'll learn. And indeed they did...sometimes much to my chagrin. But even as adults we experience that same consuming frustration when we are unable to communicate something that is important to us. Especially when it's between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend. There have been moments in my marriage when I truly thought that Adam and I MUST be speaking two totally different languages. I say one thing, he hears another. He says one thing, I hear something completely different. And as I translate his words into MY understanding, I start to make assumptions based on my interpretation of his words. Which often, I'm learning, is not at all what he said! And when you start putting two and two together...and end up with seven...you got a problem. Or...perhaps math isn't your strong point. At any rate I'm sure you can sympathize. The problem, I'm learning isn't that Adam is from another planet. Nor is it that he is unable express himself. The problem is the assumptions that we both make about what the other one is saying. I'll give you an example...

Adam teases me about the kids being whiny. I immediately get defensive and think he's saying that I'm a bad parent.

Is it a little silly? Yeah, but come on...we all know we do it. He says..."Wow, Honey have you lost weight?" We think he's saying we're fat and need to lose weight. He comes home from work and says, "Man I'm hungry." And we immediately assume he's upset because we don't have dinner ready. Bottom line...we make assumptions of what he's actually saying by reading subtext between the lines. Problem with that is? He didn't write the subtext, WE DID! My husband's favorite saying...one I've quickly adopted is this...

"You know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of U and ME!" How very true.